Libraries? More like Truth-braries.

That title may have been too much.  But it caught your attention… And if so, listen: this week is National Library Week!  I know, I know, I’m sure you already knew that and observed your National Library Week moment of silence, decorated your National Library Week tree, tried on your National Library Week costume, stuff like that…

Or maybe you’re thinking “There’s a National Library Week?”  Yeah, me too.

But you know me, I like a silly, made-up holiday (remember Beer Can Appreciation Day and National Soup Month?).  And now that I think of it, why not take a little pause to appreciate all that libraries have to offer, i. e. free stuff?

If your answer was limited to “Books,” then maybe it’s been a while since you’ve been to a library. Of course, public libraries vary from county to county, but even some of the most limited ones have more than just books.

Forgive me if I’m stating the obvious, but right when I think I’m saying something that everyone knows, I learn otherwise.  (Josh is usually the litmus test for this kind of stuff, and when I mentioned to him that he could check out Kindle books from the Brooklyn Public Library on his Android phone, he was shocked).

So, for all the Joshes of the world, I thought I would take a little time to list a few of the free things that are available at my library (with a library card of course, which was free).  This applies to the Brooklyn Public Library (and the New York Public Library, which is a separate system, but I still have access to with my Brooklyn card).  However, I have lived in six other counties in my life, and these all had the same options too, so I know it’s not just an NYC thing.

List time!

• Books (duh), both reference and books available for check out.
• CDs (Considering how scarce the musical section in most record stores is, I have found a surprising number of musicals at public libraries — even some I’d never heard of before — and this is rare.)
• Audio tapes (like books on tape, and I mean audio CDs, but no one calls them that)
• Magazines
• News journals
• Newspapers
• DVDs (though you probably won’t find a lot of Blu-Ray)
• Videocasettes (um… I don’t even own a VCR, and before I typed that I had to think really hard what those things were called that play videocassettes… VCRs)
• eBooks (This is one of the more exciting library additions I’ve noticed in recent years. My library carries Kindle, Nook, Adobe ePub, Overdrive Media Console… And more.  These have to be uploaded through the library’s website, and you usually only have the titles for two weeks before they expire, but seriously?  That’s kind of amazing in my opinion.  And upon recent check, the BPL had almost all of the recent NY Times best sellers, so it’s not just a bunch of old stuff.)

That’s all of the multimedia I can think of for now, though I’m sure there are still more options (and if you’re lucky enough to have something like NYC’s TOFT, you have even more options).

Aside from all of the free stuff you can check out, most libraries also offer:

• Free internet access
• Free classes
• Free workshops
• Free film screenings
• Free entertainment and education programming (just grab a calendar or talk to a librarian for a schedule of events — I’ve never been to a library that didn’t have some sort of monthly programming)

Libraries are great.  And free … well, taxpayers pay for them indirectly, but you know what I mean.  They’re pretty close to free.  And “pretty close to free” is good enough for me (most of the time).

Am I forgetting anything?  What do you use your library for?  The free Internet?  The books?  Something I have failed to mention?  Share!  Then drink a toast to National Library Week!  Holla!

Craigslist: FREE!

There’s an ever-present, but oft-neglected section of Craigslist called “free.”  (As in zero dollars.)    While it is housed under the “for sale” section, it’s like its own little planet, with its own language, patterns, and rules (well, not really rules, maybe… caveats?  terms? conditions?).  So, a little 411 on this Craigslist feature can definitely help you navigate the sometimes murky waters (I’ve used two different metaphors in the last two sentences — it’s hard to say if my language arts teachers of the past would be scratching their heads in confusion or patting me on the back in congratulations… hmmm…..).

Whut up, list?!!

• As with all features of Craigslist, you can subscribe to the RSS feed, specifically a search that you may have run.  For example, if you really need some extra lumber that might be leftover from someone’s project, you can go to Craigslist, search scrap lumber or wood (or whatever smart thing you come up with), subscribe to the search results (the yellow RSS logo is in the lower right hand corner of the screen), and you’ll be notified instantly when something becomes available.
• The free section is frequented by people who have just finished projects and have leftover materials, people who recently had a garage sale and don’t feel like driving to Goodwill to get rid of the last vestiges of their crap, or people who just don’t want to take the time to deal with a potential seller.  This means that the free section runs a wide gamut, having everything from leftover paint to barely used furniture and electronics.
• Because of the last minute, loosey goosey nature of the “free” section, most people will not take the time to photograph their item or items and they certainly won’t be delivering to you.  In fact, some people don’t even list their e-mail or phone number; instead, they just give some cross streets and a city, announce a “curb alert,” and do exactly that: place their items on the street curb in hopes that they’ll be picked up before the trash truck comes.  This means that things on the free section are not meant to be mulled over.  If you think you might want something, go and get it (especially before it’s snatched up by someone else).  It’s definitely first come, first serve, and in my experience, most former owners of this free stuff aren’t going to swear some allegiance to the first person who called them about the item.  They just want to get rid of it, and it goes to whoever gets there first.
• Considering the reasons that most people use the free section, the best time to search is on weekends — especially mornings.  That is, if you have opted out of subscribing to the RSS feed (but you really should just subscribe).

And for your reading pleasure, one of my favorite features of Craigslist, the Best of Craigslist.  If you’ve never checked out this section before, do it now!  It is a user-driven round-up of links to real Craigslist postings that are at times hilarious, bizarre, confusing… but always entertaining.

Check back tomorrow for the continuation of that Wedding series thang… :)

Previous Posts in the Craigslist Series:

Selling

Buying

Job Hunting

Apartment Hunting

FREE DONUTS! Or Penny-Pinching Practice and Pastry Perks (a play in one act)

FREE DONUTS!

Or Penny-Pinching Practice and Pastry Perks

A play in one act

By Courtney Foster-Donahue

Characters

Courtney:  Protagonist, mid 20’s, redhead, cunning, clever, capitalizes on the bored vulnerability of Dunkin Donuts cashiers by employing her slight Southern accent.  Note: Actress only uses accent out of necessity, i.e., the acquisition of free food. Otherwise, she has virtually no dialect.  Also possesses acumen for alliteration, but employs this skill only when typing.

Josh:  Slightly goofy sidekick and husband to Courtney, mid-20’s, strangely tall, dashing, has a newly found fondness for his Fedora hat.  Quite adept at letting Courtney take the lead in all thrifty endeavors, especially those involving free food, particularly sweets.

Armand: Dunkin Donuts cashier, early 20’s, of nebulous ethnicity.  Easily susceptible to the Southern wiles of Courtney; worlds like “y’all” are a particular weakness.

Setting

September 2011, late evening.   New York City, “the City that Never Sleeps,” in a quiet Brooklyn neighborhood that goes to bed at around 8:57 p.m. EST.

Lights come up on a Brooklyn street , a pleasant evening at the end of summer; the kind of evening that makes  lovers yearn wistfully for the days of their youth… and other, overly poetic things Eugene O’Neill would have said in his stage directions.  Our hero and her husband roam Cortelyou Road in search of sustenance.  (A recent cooking malfunction has rendered their oven useless for the time being and with no microwaveable food, they have taken to the streets for their evening nourishment.) 

 

Scene 1

Less than interesting dialogue ensues as the couple walks along:

Josh:  How about this place?  They look open.

Courtney:  They just closed.

Josh:  (a few steps down the road) Ooh, this one!  There are people sitting down inside.  Oh, but their “closed” light is on.

Courtney:  Schmehhh…..

Josh:  What about Superior Deli?  I really liked that sandwich that one time… Yeah, let’s go there.

Courtney:  Don’t they have a debit slash credit minimum?

Josh:  Oh… yeah.

Courtney:  Do you have any cash?

Josh:  I’ve got a dollar.  (Non-Pinterian pause.)    Do you have any cash with you?

Courtney:  Never.

(Pause.)

Courtney:  I think the only place on this street that takes debit cards with no minimum is Dunkin Donuts.

(Sound cue:  Unnecessary honking of car horn on street.)

Josh:  (disinterested)  Hm… How about this place?

Courtney:  That’s a bar…I don’t want to drink my dinner…  (smiles)  This time.  I think Dunkin Donuts is gonna be our best bet.  They have a totally decent chicken salad croissant.

Josh:  (quasi-ignoring Courtney, per usual)  What about here? (realizing)  Oh… they’re closed.

Courtney:  Yeah… (repeating verbatim for effectiveness):  I think Dunkin Donuts is gonna be our best bet.  I mean really, the chicken salad croissant is pretty good.

Josh:  Let’s just go to Dunkin Donuts.

Courtney:  (slightly peeved) Uh huh.

(Blackout.)

Scene 2

(Fluorescent lights up on a local Dunkin Donuts, shiny, clean, recently opened to the great joy of the Monday-through-Friday-A.M.commuter in the area.)

(Armand, DD cashier of nebulous origin and accent, waits for the ever- approaching closing time.  He is slightly depressed that he will have to throw out the baked goods that were not sold or eaten at the end of the night…  Slightly depressed, but mostly bored.  Note:  He is  unusually polite for a New Yorker.)

(Enter our hero, and her husband.  They have a spring in their step as they approach the counter.  They are hungry and, after all, Dunkin Donuts is the only eating establishment on their street that does not have a debit card minimum.)

Courtney:  What are you gonna get, sweetie?

Josh:  I don’t know.

Courtney:  I’m gonna get the chicken salad croissant.  It really is pretty good, did I tell you I got it one time?

Josh:  Uh huh.

Courtney:  (spies newly hung pumpkin donut sign)  Ooh, pumpkin!

Josh:  Yeah, that sounds good.

Courtney:  Yeah!

Armand:  Welcome to Dunkeen Donu’s, How-are-jou-dis-eveneeng-may-I-take-you-order? (with curiously rolled “r”)

Courtney:  Uh…yeah.  I want the chicken salad croissant and a Diet Pepsi. (Beat.)   Since you don’t have Diet Coke.

Josh:  I want the same.

Courtney: (aside to Josh)  I really think you’ll like it.

(The couple pays and proceeds to sit down, waiting for their order.  Increasingly less interesting dialogue ensues:)

Courtney:  I wonder what they do with their leftover donuts at the end of the night?

Josh:  What do you mean?

Courtney:  Well, you know, most bakeries have to throw away their baked goods at the end of the night if they weren’t all sold or eaten.

Josh:  Oh, because they might get stale or something.  (recalls:)  Like when we were at Shorter and we would go to Panera at closing time and get all those bags of bagels for rehearsal.

Courtney:  Yeah.  I should totally go ask that guy what they do with their left-over donuts.  You know, in the name of research… for the blog.

Josh:  You should!  But I’m not gonna get in the way of your Courtney/woman magic.  If I was up there when you asked he’d be like “Nooo….”  (Beat.)  But if you do ask, I want a chocolate cake donut.

Courtney:  Ok.

Courtney crosses down stage center (where else?) and moves with confidence.  For reasons unbeknownst to her, she suddenly takes on the speech patterns of a Southern Belle.

Courtney:  (to Armand)  Hiiiii……

Armand:  Jase?

Courtney:  Hey, whaddy’all do with yer leftover donuts at the end of the niiight?

Armand: (unable to stifle a smile)  Oho!  Heard jou talkeeng about duh pumpkeen ones!  Here!  A pumpkeen one for you!

Courtney:  (surprised)  Oh!  Thanks!  Uh… can he have one?  (points to well-concealed husband, sitting in a booth)

Armand:  (As if noticing him for the first time)  Oh… jase.

Courtney:  Great! I think he wanted a choc—-

Armand:  (interrupting)  A pumpkeen one for him, too!

Courtney:  (slightly disappointed) Oh… (Always the gracious penny-pincher:)  Thanks!!!  (testing the waters:)  Hey, do you always give away the leftover donuts at the end of the ni—-

Armand:  (interrupting, while abruptly exiting to the backroom:)  Enjoy it!  G’night!

Josh:  (after a bewildered moment:) Sweet! A free donut!

Courtney:  (while taking a bite:) And it’s really good.  (decides:)  Yay!

Josh:  And it was free:  yay!

Fin.

(Playwright’s Note:  Any resemblance to actual historical events is entirely intentional and accurate, with the exception of the Dunkin Donuts’ cashier’s name, which remains a mystery.  Josh totally made the “Armand” part up.  Like his name, the DD guy’s ethnicity also remains a mystery. 

The playwright encourages the reader to go out and take advantage of these opportunities, like the one described in this play.  Many bakeries and cafes follow this same policy, either greatly discounting their unused food prior to closing, or giving it away all together. Become familiar with the closing hours of your local bakeries, whether they are chains OR mom-and-pops.

 The playwright also would like to remind readers that IT NEVER HURTS TO ASK.  Who knows? Perhaps you’ll end up with an “Armand.”  And… maybe even a spontaneously generated, yet surprisingly useful Southern accent.)

Okay, but seriously folks, all playwrighting attempts aside, do YOU know of a bakery, cafe, somewhere that doles out their leftovers???  Please comment and let us know! (The “leave a comment” link is below after the tags and it is very small.  Click on it. Then comment.  Then rest assured).)

If you mention a mom-and-pop store, don’t forget to mention the city/state… And of course, SUBSCRIBE! It’s that widget in the upper-right hand corner!